How to Find Care for Your Parent: What You Need to Know

Your dad has been the family’s star chef for decades. He’s always the one to bring an incredible dessert to gatherings, and you look forward to him sharing new recipes with you.

Lately, however, you’ve noticed a change. He says he hasn’t been cooking at home as much, and that going to the grocery store is becoming a challenge. What should you do?

Or maybe your mother is recovering from a fall. She’s healthy again, but the incident made you realize it might not be safe for her to live at home alone anymore. What are your options and next steps?

If one of these situations sounds familiar to you, it might be time to explore finding care for your parent. Oftentimes, knowing if your parent might benefit from care comes from noticing how well they can keep up with the activities of daily living (ADLs). These include:

• Eating

• Using the restroom

• Transferring – like getting up from a chair

• Getting dressed

• Bathing

If you notice signs that your parent is having trouble with any of these activities, it may be time to consider finding care for your parent.

How Should I Approach This Topic with My Parent?

Oftentimes, talking to your parent about your concerns is the hardest part of the whole process. They may surprise you by agreeing that it’s time for new living arrangements, but don’t be shocked if their reaction is the complete opposite.

To help make the conversation as smooth as possible, try using the tips outlined below.

Think about the discussion from your parent’s point of view.

They may be upset, in denial that they need help, or fearful of making such a big change. As when you discussed the matter with the rest of the family, be open-minded, sympathetic, and patient.

Choose the right time to Approach the topic.

If they’re not a morning person, don’t call at 8 a.m. on a Saturday. If they prefer face-to-face conversations and you can be in the area, don’t hide behind a phone call. Bring along any other family members who have weighed in.

Give it some time.

You might find that the conversation goes smoothly – or you might hit some resistance. Either way, don’t expect an overnight decision. Moving to a completely new home – and facing declining health – would be an enormous change for anyone. Allow your parent to have space to contemplate what you’ve talked about.

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.

Explain to your parent that you’re concerned about his or her safety and that you want what’s best for them. If you’re feeling sad, frightened, or frustrated, try telling them so. It might encourage them to open up more, or at least show them how much you’ve thought about this.

Though there may be difficult moments throughout this process, it’s critical to reach an understanding. Once everyone involved can agree on next steps, the process can move forward – and you can rest assured you’re doing the right thing for your parent.